Stuff
Our family has one celebrity in it. However, he is not widely viewed in a positive way.. The following link will have, at least, an interesting piece of television lore that you might have not known... Click on this!
That would be "Cousin Herbert"
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Jewish Schtick....
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Channukah cards. She says to the clerk "May I have 50 Channukah stamps please?"
"What denomination?" asks the clerk.
The woman says "Oy vay,...my god, has it come to this? Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!"
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A Rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck".
At the next Friday night service, the rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter."
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Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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Jewish dilemma:
Free PORK.
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1. JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one's favorite
celebrity is Jewish.
2. TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the
Torah at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.
3. SANTA-SHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for why they celebrate
Hanukah while the rest of the neighbors celebrate Christmas.
4. MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.
5. BUBBEGUM n. Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave
to her own children.
6. CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the
baby's diaper.
7. DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your
mother's face but not knowing exactly when.
8. DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up
a conversation with everyone she passes.
9. GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.
10. HEBORT v. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's
Bar Mitzvah.
11. JEWDO n. A traditional form of self defense based on talking one's way out
of a tight spot.
12. MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.
13. MEINSTEIN - slang. "My son, the genius."
14. MISHPOCHADOTS n. The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's
face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.
15. RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old
neighbors live in the same condo building as you.
16. ROSH HASHANA-NA-NA n. A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.
17. YIDENTIFY v. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities even
though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.
18. MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth
person to complete a minyan.
19. FEELAWFUL n. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.
20. DIS-KVELLIFIED v. To drop out of law school, med. school or business as seen
through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases,
simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son, David, is majoring in
biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.
21. IMPASTA n. A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of
Passover.
22. KINDERS SHLEP v. To transport other kids in your car besides yours.
23. SCHMUCKLUCK n. Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a
vasectomy.
24. SHOFARSOGUT n. The relief you feel when after many attempts the shofar is
finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.
25. TRAYFFIC ACCIDENT n. An appetizer one finds out has pork
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Here's a list of TV shows that I watched as a kid and let's just say.... early on... You might remember one or two... My favorites are in italics...
| 77 Sunset Strip |
I love Lucy |
The Beverly Hillbillies |
|
Abbott and Costello - Heyyyy, Abbotttt!!! I loved this show!! Susquehana Hats! |
I Married Joan | The Bob Newhart Show |
| All In the Family - Oh, Archie!! | I Spy |
The Dick Van Dyke Show |
| American Bandstand | Kukla, Fran & Ollie | The Ed Sullivan Show |
| Ben Casey | Lassie - Tommy Rettig |
The Honeymooners |
| Bonanza |
Laurel & Hardy |
The Jack Benny Show |
| Captain Kangaroo | Leave It To Beaver | The Life Of Riley - William Bendix |
| Car 54 Where Are You? | Make Room For Daddy | The Lone Ranger |
| Circus Boy - Mickey Dolenz | McHale's Navy | The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis |
|
Davy Crockett - Fess Parker |
Mr. Ed - Oh, Wilbur! | The Mary Tyler Moore Show |
| Dennis the Menace - Jay North | My Favorite Martian - Ray Walston | The Millionaire - Michael Anthony |
| Donna Reed | My Little Margie/The Gale Storm Show - with Zazu Pitts | The Mod Squad |
| Father Knows Best - Robert Young | My Three Sons - Fred McMurray | The Patty Duke Show |
| F-Troop |
Our Gang Comedies |
The Real McCoys - Walter Brennan |
|
Fugitive - David Janssen, Bill Raisch was the one-armed man |
Our Miss Brooks | The Rifleman |
| Fury | Red Skelton Show |
The Three Stooges |
| Gilligan's Island | Rin Tin Tin | Twilight Zone |
| Gomer Pyle, USMC | Roy Rogers | Wagon Train |
| Greatest American Hero | Sea Hunt - Lloyd Bridges aka Mike Nelson | Winky Dink & You |
| Gunsmoke | Sgt. Bilko | You Bet Your Life - Groucho Marx |
| Happy Days | Sky King | |
| Hogan's Heroes - Klink, you go to the Russian front! | Spin & Marty | |
| Hopalong Cassidy | Superman | |
| Howdy Doody | The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet | |
| I Dream Of Jeannie | The Andy Griffith Show |
Then Came Bronson - This program inspired me to buy a Harley in 1971! |
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The King of Late Night....... This guy had class!!!
I could swear, one of these guys is meeeeee....
My 1971 Harley Davidson Sportster - what a bike!
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"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen
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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there
in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was
actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the
sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Management Lessons:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!